The Innerworkings of the Maker of Wrayth.

 Okay, so we (we being I and I alone) came close to fruition with the goal last year. I'm not interested in past ineptitudes and almost made it and what ifs though, I'm all about moving forward with my life as if I have a chance at something good, which I do. There's a lot that has to happen for me to completely extricate myself out of the current situation, but at the very least, getting published is a big goal for me.

A lot has changed in the 7 years since I decided to write comics. I'm in my mid-20's, the first decade of the 21st century is done, and the internet and technology has evolved at a fairly impressive pace. The iPod was still fairly new, laptops were still huge, wifi wasn't widespread, no Twitter or Facebook and MySpace JUST started then... the comic book community that I'm now a part of was still 2 or 3 years away from me finding it... and indeed the internets were not so huge... I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to, about being in comics. Hell, I hadn't even gone to my first con until the next year. 

Nowadays, my options are so varied. I could be a pioneer and sell digital comics on the iPad, I can self-publish on the cheap, I can do webcomics and possibly be financially viable... that doesn't mean there isn't risk, and it doesn't mean that I'll be an instant success... but the avenues and oppurtunities have changed since I was a lad.

So this summer, with 4 days off from work, and with a promise of a host for my webcomic Surreptitiously, as well as character designs for other books... I'm going to write as much as I possibly can. It's been a long time since I actually sat down and wrote scripts (maybe 8 months?), and it's time to get going again.

I'm also going to start podcasting again, not that I haven't. Despite the crap I get, I've put out an episode almost every week for the past month or so... that's not so bad. I'm going to eliminate the fantasy baseball episodes, and just do them on the website though.



In 28 days, I'll be 26. Have I changed over the years? I think so. I used to be pure id... now I'm about 75% id. I'm impulsive, I don't control myself as well as other people do... then again, how many people have a thought process like mine? How many people recall things like I do? How many people construct stories and fight scenes in their heads in between conversations and tasks. 10 years ago I was wrestling friends on mats in the gym at high school, now I try to turn it into a story. So there's a sense of control. I'm not jumping off stuff onto other people to satisfy a need. A need to have an adventure, a need to be part of a story.

That's another thing: I'm still a cartoon character. It is immensely difficult to separate my rational self from my hyperbolic, crazy id self. He's me. There's no doubt that I enjoy that things I do, and I love the things I love... it's just really intense. I'm way more emotionally intense than most people I know. I can be mellow, but I love playing the Raph Radia game. The immense laughter,  the immense joy. It's not like it's not me, but it's so deviant from societal norms... and that's my thing. I've always felt I'm a deviant. I am, and for most of my life have been, an outsider. Not "asian" enough for my family and friends, too geeky to be normal, too wild to be normal. It's only in the last few years, thanks to podcasting and finding a community of comic fans, that I felt like I belonged to anything. And even then, I am an extreme. It makes me wonder if it's worth it. I don't pull back, and I wonder if it hurts me more than it helps.

I haven't learned to filter myself that well, either. I say what's on my mind, sometimes to my detriment. I've learned to hide stuff better. Not blab, despite this post being contrary. I used to just throw everything out there and hope someone would be kind enough to help me deal with it. The truth of life is, nobody is going to. Not that people won't try, or that people don't care. But people won't. Whether or not it's a delusion, your family baggage stays with you, and everyone has it. And it's yours. Your very own. And the worse your family is, the more you hold onto it. The more you allow it to define you. And I've let it define me for most of my life. And trying to find an escape since I was 13. Hoping someone would be willing to pull me out and share a new life with me. Mostly it was the idea a girlfriend would do that, but groups of friends would do fine. And it worked for a little bit. Especially in high school, when your social circle is your life... it takes you away into other things.

Anyway, the whole point is that I've learned that no one is going to "fix" me or "rescue" me. No one has the capability, no matter how much I may want them to. It's all on me. And I've known that for a long time... and I hated it. I was afraid of it. I didn't want to face down all my demons by myself, or at all. Just let them take me, just let myself be miserable. Put it in someone else's hands, and when they disappoint, just give up hope of anything.

I can't do that. It's unfair to everyone involved. It's been unfair to everyone who's been in my life. Everyone I've leaned on, or hoped to lean on. Everyone who I bared my soul to and hoped would be there for me and finally bring me peace.

I used to think there would never be peace. I can bring peace. I can bring the serenity I need so badly. Every year, every day, I've been building myself to this point. It's unfortunate it took 13 years to assemble something that looks like self-esteem and self-determination, but it's better now than never. Better to build myself back into a human being than to be the Walking Dead: Outwardly happy, and dying inside. That's not me anymore. And I said that last year. And I felt like I was there... but like I said, it's been a super slow process. It has to be... I've been taking care of my own emotional well-being since I was 9 years old. After my parents separated and reconciled, I had no one to talk to or care about my feelings. It makes sense that I'm so crippled and addled by my feelings and over-thinking and anxiety. 

And now I can forgive myself for this stuff, and I don't think I'm weak. I survived 17 years of being by myself in my head... that's a horrible thing to feel as an adult or as a child. The idea that no one is there for you, that you're alone. I don't give a shit what people say, but people need people around. That's why we have social circles and families. That's why we don't mate and run... as a species. Yes people do that, but it's not the norm. We all gravitate toward each other. It's life. The sun holds the planets together in orbit. People hold each other in their lives. A phone call, a text, a tweet, a letter, dinner, a reunion, a weekly visit... we all need this. For some reason, my family thought I didn't. They didn't understand that I needed more than what they gave me. More than a 60 dollar a week allowance that I just blew on comics, because comics were full of characters who I wanted to be, who I wanted to fight alongside... because I'm a hero. I'm a starship captain. I'm a dinosaur hunter. I'm a great teacher. I'm all of these things.. and in reality, none of these things. I grew up in fantasy, because reality was cold and harsh and brutal, and no one was there to be there for me. Now, I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of. I am Green Lantern... I have a force of will and internal strength that compares to all the heroes I've spent years reading about. I'm Batman. I'm overcoming the tragedies of my life to become something better, but hopefully I won't lose my mind and only fight crime. I would like Christian Bale to play me in my biopic though... and I want him to do the Bat-Voice.

This year's going to be good. I'm going to do something. I better. It's going to be a good work year, not a "ugh i have to do stuff" year. I have things I want to do, and I can't let anyone mess with it. No matter who they are. Because no one means more to me than me. No one. Not anymore. Not ever again.

 I am the architect, I am the rock of my life, I am the impetus, I am the willpower to keep going. I am the reason I'm alive, I'm the reason I need to keep going. I am master of all I possess. I am master of myself. I just need to remind myself more often. I need to remember more often, to hold onto it more often, to allow it to be part of me, to allow it to be me.

I don't care who reads this, support is appreciated, but I need to put this on the screen and see it and remember.

So I have a new post to put in. 6 months after the last one...

THE YANKEES ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!! 
They just won Game Six about an hour ago... and it feels GREAT.

Now of course, people could call me spoiled and that I'm backing the overdog and that my team doesn't deserve to win and yadda yadda yadda.

And of course, other Yankees fans would be like "F you guys you're just jealous, we're better than everyone your team sucks" etc. etc.

I'm a pretty humble fan. I know that most teams and their fans don't see a large string of championships. I know I backed the winningest franchise in sports history.
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I don't take anything for granted. I think I did when I was younger. I didn't go to any of the parades during the three-peat. (I sorta went to 1996, but I missed a lot of it). I was young, I liked baseball, but I had only been a fan for a few years. Now I'm 25, I'm an adult... this team means a little more to me. For the first time since 1996, I watched a lot of baseball on TV. I went to baseball games the past two years. I'm a much more intellectual, more informed baseball fan then I was when I was 14, 15, 16, etc. I cherished 1996 and 1998. I enjoyed 1999 and 2000... I think 2009 will have a special place in my heart, right behind 96 and 98. I love baseball, but this year, I was more involved with baseball than in the past. I won my first fantasy baseball championship... and I get to FULLY appreciate a Yankees championship, aware that this is something special.
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Looking back at my last baseball post, I noted what I said the Yankees could do to win a championship and have a successful season: "I'm a very optimistic person, and I think the Yankees COULD win it all... if Alex comes back and is an MVP, Tex gets on fire, Sabathia shuts down opponents, Wang recovers and Joba fines some control. Also, if the bullpen can give up less runs than innings pitched, that'd help.

Most of these things are possible, so I'm looking forward to 2009!"

And so I was partially right. A-Rod wasn't really an MVP candidate, but Texiera was. CC Sabathia was an ACE. Chien-Ming Wang never recovered, and Joba never showed enough control. The bullpen really strengthened down the stretch, thanks to the emergence of Alfredo Aceves, Phil Coke and Phil Hughes. The Yankees offense was terrific, the defense was its best in years, and the pitching was sharp. The team won 103 games.
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The Yankees finished the Twins off in the ALDS in 4 games. They then faced the Angels in the ALCS. The Angels, the team I despise the most, the team that beats the Yankees the easiest. They were the biggest challenge... and the Yankees overcame them in six. The World Series was next... and the Phillies.

As someone who used to root for the Mets (when I was 5 or 6, go back a few posts and you'll see that), I could never root for the Phillies. They were a division rival to a team in my hometown... I don't root for teams like that. But the Phillies have a good team. Their lineup was a balance of speed and power, with sluggers Utley and Howard and 20-20 guys like Jayson Werth. Their bullpen was tremendous in 2008,  but only average in 2009. Their starting pitching was also awesome, but spotty. Cole Hamels, the hero of 2008, was not the same in 2009. Cliff Lee, who came over mid-season, was INCREDIBLE. I respect the Phillies. I respect that they won the World Series last year, I respect their lineup, their pitchers and their manager, Charlie Manuel.

It took them six games, but my Yankees, who played defense and fought till the last out, won the World Series. They led the league in home runs and runs, but they didn't rely on the long ball to win every game, unlike 2003 - 2008. They were a scrappy bunch, led by The Captain, and a loose bunch, thanks to Nick "Swish-Hawk" (my nickname for him) Siwsher and AJ Burnett. They were a clutch bunch, 55 come from behind wins in the regular season.

They were like my favoirte team of all time: The 1996 New York Yankees.

I had a good feeling about this team as the season went on, and I'm so happy to see my feelings validated.

I never felt this way about the 1999 or 2000 teams, because they were expected to win. I took those for granted.

I will not take this championship for granted. I will cherish the 2009 New York Yankees. I will remember this season fondly. I went to the 2nd game at Yankee Stadium, and in the 89th, the Yankees have won it all. I wish I could've been there for every game in person, but I am elated that the New Yankee Stadium has been inaugurated with a World Series. What a way to make history at the new place!

So according to the LJ, it's been 5 weeks since I've posted anything... and A LOT has changed in 5 weeks.

I spent all of September practically at Midtown. A lot of people going to cons or vacation... not a lot of days off. I'm definitely not complaining, as I got financially compensated for my work, and despite whatever crap I get at the store, I like my job. I like being around comics and telling people about comics, and I'm grateful that the owners allow my brand of stupidity and silliness to be on their staff. But I would be lying if the long hours (40+ hours for a while) didn't take a toll on me. I find that I'm mentally exhausted a lot, I burn out a little quicker, and my desire to be around people has gone down. I'm outta vacation time for the year, but next year, I'm going to go away by myself, no friends, no nothing. I just need some alone time to be myself and do stuff I want and not have to give a shit about anyone or anything. Not that I don't like my friends or my life, but I want away from everything. A friend of mine told me about getting a cabin... sounds like a good idea...

I may have mentioned that I was working on a comic the last time I posted... yeah... it's a long, complicated story... and I don't want to cause unnecessary drama (again). All I'm going to say is, I was put in a bad position, and then the person I was working with had a lot of uncertainty ahead of him... and I'm just going to stay away. I wish him the best of luck with his studio, Future Unlimited Graffix. Right now, I just don't think investing myself into that project is good for me. Considering the stress levels of work that I went through, plus the uncertainties of the project... I think I might just move on. It was a great learning experience, and I taught myself a little bit about the industry as well as lettering. It's frustrating to go from almost putting a book out, to losing everything, but I learned my lessons and I'm going to be fine. I'm 25, I will find a way to succeed. Failure isn't failure, it's a lesson to be learned, and an adversity to be overcome.

Since I started working on that project, I've been changing my outlook on life, and the person I am. Or rather, the person under the personas. I just seem incapable of not playing a role... but that's not really on me. The persona is a construction of perspective. A combination of my behavior at a given moment, and the interpretation of that behavior by other people.  I can't deny that I'm not the way I behave, but I think the person underneath the craziness, over-enthusiasm and histrionics gets lost on people... and now I simply don't care. I am who I am, I don't care what people think. I don't care how people want to see me. I am what I am. I know what I want to do with my life, and nothing short of death, dismemberment, brain damage and/or natural disasters will stop me. Plain and simple.... well there's a matter of finding an illustrator... but I think I may go back to my original plan and go to prose... or I can keep searching. There are tons of possibilities. And I can take the rest of my life to explore them.

It's been quite the while since I posted any thoughts or anything, and A LOT has changed.

WRITING
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Wrayth is on hiatus, but not for any bad reasons. Around Late June I met an artist named Gil Sturla. He presented to me three books in ashcan form, and I liked the ideas he presented. His art is pretty good too, he understand storytelling and has a grip on anatomy. So I agreed to write one of his books.

Currently, we are done with scripting, pencilling and inking issue one. It's being colored by someone we met at this awesome burger/comic place... which is closing tomorrow. Gil's pretty aggressive and optimistic about the future of his properties and wants to form a studio. Those are great  things, and I'm going to be a part of them. I'm a little more reserved and cautious than Gil, because I know what the comic industry is and isn't, but I don't think that means we can't reach for the stars here.

I'm also helping out another artist by giving him a sequential script based on an idea he gave me. So my writing is progressing.

The one thing I'm worried about is being a one trick pony... even if my trick is awesome, frenetic action. I need to be able to tell dramatic scenes, purvey emotions and make people care about characters. That's the hard part of creating a story: Why should I care about these people?

MIDTOWN
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September is a huge OT month for me. People going on vacation and stuff means I'm going to spend a lot of time in store. It took it's toll this past week though. Spending a lot of time in store really burns me out on comics. It's not that I don't love comics any more or I don't like showing people comics... I just need time away from comics sometimes, and with me working on a book, it becomes that much harder. I'd go creatively stale otherwise. Luckily, I've rediscovered poker and am loving Arkham Asylum (still comics, but still AWESOME). A little bit of Star Trek in my life too. I'm a little joyless towards the end of these long stretches, but today was a much needed off day and I'm at peace with myself and a little happier.

The Mentals
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I've tried very hard to change my outlook and personality. Not in the sense that I'm a completely different person, but in the sense that I want to be more at peace with myself. My outward persona, "The Raph Radia" if you will, is hyperkinetic, all over the place, wild and crazy. When that's the person I project myself to be a majority of the time, people come to expect that or think that's all there is to me. Of course it'd be. You judge people by how they act, and their behavior in your presence informs the majority of your opinion of them. I also am oversensitive and my buttons are easy to push, so I'm working on that too. The inherent low self-esteem issues that come with being a self precieved (and somewhat confirmed by others) social outcast are working themselves out too. I've had a long standing streak of self hatred, so that's not so easy, but I'm making it through my days. It's nothing big, we ALL go through it, I'm just very vocal about my mindset and my process.

PODCASTING
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This has definitely suffered for all the work I'm doing and all the time I'm trying to spend relaxing. I've got an episode recorded that I haven't really edited, and I've also got plans for revamping the shows. Juan is pretty much gone, so I have to go recruiting guest hosts and what not.

I'm considering posting a synopsis of the very first Wrayth Story I did... stay tuned!

I finally found a direction for my comic book series Wrayth: The Legend of Michael Tang about 6 months ago. I met an artist who challenged me to expand my ideas and to not have a simple story full of cliches. I took that and am now trying to create something that may very well be beyond me.

I'm trying to play with the fabric of imagination. I'm trying to combine mythology with legend and the supernatural, the esoteric, the magic of life. Beyond our every day lives, we have ideas and hear stories about people who do extraordinary things. We watch shows and movies and read books about people who do the magnificent. These movies don't win Oscars, but they draw people by the millions to theaters, and become the fabric of our popular culture.

My personal philosophy is simply that everything is interrelated and connected. Everything. Why? Because everything we can conceive is humanly conceived. Nothing we understand is achieved through alien eyes or alien minds, it's through another person with the same physical composition and mental capabilities we all have. If you want to believe we all have the same potential, then we all then have the ability to understand what we think we don't understand. Whether through personality preferences or learned limitations, we lose or deny ourselves the ability to do whatever we want. We weren't born insecure or scared, we learn this.

I've had a lot of influences in my life, and I've spent a lot of time in fantasy. I've been reading comics and watching cartoons and movies since I was three years old. There's something about the fantastical that draws me... maybe it's because I've been watching this stuff more than I've lived in the real world. No parents means no one to take you out and play with others, so I've been in my mind for most of my life. So really my reality is the fantasy in some way. If I weren't aware of that, I'd be a lot stranger than I actually am. I'm a sponge though, I absorb everything, try to understand everything.

So that brings me back to legend and myth. Modern legends like Rambo and Bruce Lee and Superman serve the purpose of being our hero. Of doing what we don't think we can do or are afraid to do or simply can't do. They are amazing, superlative, but they aren't the first. Humanity as a whole has been doing this since time immemorial. We created deities in charge of the elements. We created men who were super powerful and performed amazing feats. Whether or not Hercules or Samson existed hardly matters, their stories are here today.

The legends of today though, they have no overt root into the past.  Superman is descended from two ideas: the idea of the strongman, and in some ways the idea of the savior. Considering Sigel and Shuster's Jewish heritage, and the fact that they took the name Kal-L from Hebrew, it loosely translates to "light of God", you can see that Superman has roots that date back centuries, but the modern comic book hero doesn't really play on that, nor does it really embrace mythology. Sure, Hercules and Thor have shown up in comics, and Wonder Woman is the champion of the ancient Olympian Gods, but there's no true passing of the torch. It's all implied and understood quietly.

Then you have what I call "postmodern heroes", people who don't wear bright costumes and appear in comics. Neo from the Matrix and all of the cast of Heroes, they are the next step towards a pseduo reality from our comic book heroes. Realism has always been a draw. The more realistic something looks, the more people enjoy it.

Which brings me to my heritage. I'm Chinese-American. I have a heritage that dates back to one of the first and one of the newest nations. I have tons of history to play with, and the freedom to express it. The rich history of China shows that the Chinese were innovating and creating things way before Europe, and that for the longest time East was dominating the West culturally, before the West finally caught up and the East crumbled. One of the last great innovators is just like me, a man who just had a documentary come out that I just finished watching as I type this: Bruce Lee.

Bruce changed ideas on fighting, philsophy and fitness. His idea was the most simple, and yet so poignant: remove the excess, remove the unnecessary  and keep what works, make it efficient. Adapt to the situation.  He did his own stunts and tried to make the fights as real as possible. Realism. True to life.

So then my goal is now to merge the current superhero legend into the greater world mythology, to bring the past into the present, and to present it realisitcally.

Hello sci-fi. Genetics, parallel universes, alternate histories and possibilites made real.

All of this is going into Wrayth: The Legend of Michael Tang. If this book isn't one of the best books out in the market when I finally get all the research and ideas together solidly and premiere it, then we'll all know I'm an incompetant writer. And I know I'm not an incompetant writer.

In other words, I'm getting psyched to kick the shit out of your brain and blow it up with a 20 megaton bomb.

So if I've been doing a lot of talking and not a lot of showing, it's because I'm still putting my ideas and my thoughts together.

But that's what I think about on a daily basis. Isn't life GRAND?!?

Wrapping up my Yankees discussions, I have a lot of thoughts about this new season, especially after month 1.

This team could be special, or it could be the most disappointing 200 million dollar team.

I went with Ian Levenstein, host of the Sporting Goods and fellow Yankee fan, to Game 2 at the New Yankee Stadium. One thing I definitely felt was awe over the size of the place, especially the great hall. It definitely feels different from the old Stadium, a lot of open spaces, a lot of room. It's just... epic. They didn't play around with this place.

Another thing I noticed is that Joba Chamberlain gets into high pitch counts, that the Yankees hit nothing but solo homers to score, in addition to a fielding error.

And then there's the games I wasn't at. The games I've watched and read about. Let's break it down:

The Line-up:

SS Derek Jeter - having an okay start to the season.
LF Johnny Damon - No real complaints here either
1B Mark Texiera - Slow start, known for these. Not feeling too happy about it, but if and when he gets hot, I'm sure I'll get over it.
C Jorge Posada - Glad he's back to normal, having a great April.
DH Hideki Matsui - I really think he's done. His knees bother him all the time... he just can't be a major producer anymore.
2B Robinson Cano - Off to a great start, this is what he needs to do all season long.
RF Nick Siwsher - I love his energy. He's a great guy to have.
3B Cody Ransom - I expect defense and a little offense. Just defense. Now out for a few months.
CF Brett Gardner - I love his scrappiness, but he's not hitting either. Usually okay, but not when half the line-up isn't producing

Bench:
Angel Berroa - Made error. Replacing Ramiro Pena on bench. Needs to be better.
Ramiro Pena - Replacing Ransom. Hopefully he can at least duplicate Ransom
Jose Molina - My favorite back catcher since Flaherty.
Xavier Nady - So sad about his injury, his walk year. Hope he recovers and has a good season.

Starting Rotation:
CC Sabathia: Like Tex, he's a slow starter, but this is hurting.
Chien-Ming Wang: That injury last year has made him the worse pitcher I've ever seen. He needs to bounce back.
AJ Burnett: My new favorite. Great poise, got bombed by Boston though... but he's a gamer
Andy Pettite: Back to the Andy of old. Doing a good job.
Joba Chamberlain: Too many high pitch counts, not very efficient. Still learning.

Bullpen
Mariano Rivera: had his one bad game against the Sox.
Brian Bruney: If he could stay healthy, he'd be the best set up man since the Dynasty
Rest of Bullpen = Teh Suck. I don't even wanna get into it. They just have to improve. They show flashes.

I'm a very optimistic person, and I think the Yankees COULD win it all... if Alex comes back and is an MVP, Tex gets on fire, Sabathia shuts down opponents, Wang recovers and Joba fines some control. Also, if the bullpen can give up less runs than innings pitched, that'd help.

Most of these things are possible, so I'm looking forward to 2009!

Continuing what I started last week. I grew up a Yankees fan in the 90's, and they gave me the benefit of 4 championships. Their resurgence brought them back into the national spotlight, and by 2000, the guys who took pitches and didn't put up gaudy numbers were now All-Stars. In the era of McGuire/Sosa/Bonds juicing and boosting, my New York Yankees sent most of their team to the All-Star Game. There were two problems though, both related.

One: The Core of the Yankees teams was getting older. Only Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams, Andy Pettite and Mariano Rivera were under age 30 by 2000. Tino, Brosius, Paulie... they were getting older. By 2001, they were headed out, either into retirement or other teams.

Two: George M. Steinbrenner III, the owner of the New York Yankees, loves power. Power pitching, power hitting.He was never happy that the championship teams didn't have a slugger. That's why he got Darryl, why he got Irabu, and Clemens. He wanted pitchers throwing gas and hitters swatting 400 ft. moonshots.

Enter the 21st century. Enter the end of my New York Yankees.

To be fair, the team has been successful, but the team I had grown to love was barely a remnant. Looking back at the additions, you can see positives and negatives:

2002:
David Wells: Known winner, but aging retread. Ended up costing us the 2003 World Series with injury.
Jason Giambi: Great power hitter, but steroid offender and he became a pull hitter who hit for low average, as opposed to the .300 - 40 - 120 guy he was in his MVP year
Rondell White: Had nothing left
Robin Ventura: Veteran in the twilight of his career.
Jeff Weaver: Really? Need I say more.

SEASON ANALYSIS: They were beat by a younger, more athletic Angels team. They really should have focused on youth and defense.

2003: Jose Contreras: Gave us one good season. Wasn't as good as El Duque
Hideki Matsui: Declining health has sapped any potential from Matsui. Had some good years, but nothing spectacular.

SEASON ANALYSIS: Not enough pitching. Beginning of the end, as the team brought in bad pitchers and focused on getting sluggers who don't field well.

2004: Alex Rodriguez: The antithesis of the Yankee way of the 90's: selfish, me-first, high maintenece. I don't hate Alex, but I wasn't please when we got him. I would've preferred the Angels' Chone Figgins or someone else.

Gary Sheffield: Another power guy who was a liability on the field. I didn't hate Gary, in fact I thought he was a good player, but with Giambi and Matsui, the defense of the team stank to high heaven.

Javier Vasquez: I don't think he got a fair chance to succeed. One season does not a career make. Too bad.
Kevin Brown: I remember the Yankees destroying him in the World Series in 1998... why would you get someone you beat up on?
Kenny Lofton: Bernie was declining, but Kenny wasn't an amazing player either.

SEASON ANALYSIS: They were close to beating the Sox, but you can tell this team was more mercenary than warrior. The team lacked heart, chemistry and the ability to bounce back.

2005: Randy Johnson: Ultimate proof about players needing the ability to handle New York.
Carl Pavano: Has no tolerance for pain. Didn't use his head. Worst free-agent signing in recent Yankees history.
Jaret Wright: Was good early in career. Not so good with Yankees. Injuries also factor. Bad deal.

SEASON ANALYSIS: Another wipeout by the Angels. Again, youth and defense serves the Angels well.

2006: Johnny Damon: First legit lead-off hitter for the Yanks since Knoblauch. Not a bad addition, but also a player on the decline defensively.

Kyle Farnsworth: Fireballer who did little to nothing.

Cory Lidle: Had an ok season, followed by a horrible, fatal accident. RIP Cory. What else can I say? I refuse to talk bad about someone who died before he was supposed to.

Bobby Abreu: Great fantasy player, not so great right fielder. Seems to be doing well in Anahein, good for him.

SEASON ANALYSIS: Too reliant on the long ball still. Pitchers didn't perform.

2007: Kei Igawa: the 2nd worst free-agent signing in recent Yankees history.
Andy Pettite: He should never have left pinstripes.
Roger Clemens: Aging legend in decline. Also steroids user. Blargh.

SEASON ANALYSIS: Maybe if Torre stopped the game for Joba, they woulda beat the Indians. I doubt it. Starting to make the turn around.

2008: Re-sign A-Rod: As much as people don't like him, his production is useful. Despite the conception that he only produces when behind big or up big, he was huge in 2007.

Joe Girardi: Replacing beloved Joe Torre, got off to rocky start. Team is still like previous teams, so he didn't have much to work with.

SEASON ANALYSIS: Girardi's first year as manager was ok, not spectacular. The empahsis on young pitching started to show, as well as some youth in the field, with Melky Cabrera and Brett Gardner.

The overall theme is that Steinbrenner's desire to get sluggers and pitchers who didn't necessarily fit into the Yankees enviornment, has changed the team fundamentally. Financially, the team grew. On the field, the team still won more than it lost, but it lost the most important part of the championship Yankees.

It lost it's soul.

For the final part, I'm going to take a look at this season, the New Yankee Stadium, and what I think of the future of the organization that I love.

So continuing my thoughts on one of my bigger passions: baseball, I figure that this is probably the most important part.

The Last Great Dynasty of Baseball: The 1996 - 2001 New York Yankees.

Something about the new millenium changed sports, because since that year I can't really think of any team really winning championships back to back, except maybe the Patriots. The LA Lakers finished off their 3-peat in 2002, the Devils last won in 2003, even the Pats last won in 2003. It's really interesting how teams radically changed after that.

But before that, the New York Yankees proved to be the greatest winners in all of sports. By the time their run was over, they had won 26 championships in their storied past, and they also made a whole bunch of bandwagon fans along the way, as well as a whole slew of haters. When it comes to people, particularly with sports, people tend to hate successful teams, especially if it's at the expense of their own team.

Now, of course with the signings of Doc and Darryl in 2006, and with my first year watching the Yankees coming in the first year they made the playoffs, it could be construed that I am a bandwagon guy. As stated in my previous entry, I've been enamored with the history of the Yankees for a long time, and really, there was no incentive to follow another team. Why shouldn't I root for the home team? And to be quite honest, I was interested in the Mets and what they were doing in Flushing during the late 90's too. I don't hate the Mets like some Yankees fans do. I bear the Mets no ill will. They started my baseball interested, it's just that I had no body to enjoy the game with.

So, 1996 was a huge year for me. I was starting junior high, I was getting more responsibilities, I was fending for myself for the first time really, as I stopped going to afterschool programs. I learned to cook for myself. And on weekends and evenings I would watch Yankees games on TV or listen on the radio. That's about when I started to get this complex about being a jinx.

A couple of times when I watched or listened, the Yankees lost. I was wondering if it was because I was watching the games, that maybe I'm a bad luck charm. It's tortured me until last year, but I'll get to that next time. It was particularly painful in the playoffs, especially when Texas won the first game of the ALDS... even more so when Atlanta went up 2 - 0. I watched the comebacks though, and felt really encouraged. One thing about me as a kid, and even now, I'm very emotional. I let my emotions take me over, making me very excitable, angry, sad, etc. etc. Each moment of any sort of emotion is intense for me. That really had me all over the place during the 1996 World Series. All the rallies, the great plays, the fear and anxiety... drove me nuts. But they won.

They lost in 1997, but I didn't pay any attention really. I thought one was good enough. I always felt fortunate to witness a team I like win a championship. I was a Houston Rockets fan earlier and I watched Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon destroy all of his peers on the way to his 2nd championship, but that was about it.

The Yankees gave me 4 championships and 5 World Series appearences. After 18 years of not winning championships, the Yankees did it repeatedly during my adolesence.

It's why I'm not an obnoxious Yankees fan, one that expects the World Series every year, that sticks it in the face of other baseball fans. I don't need to. I got a great run out of my team, the likes of which may never happen again. I'm happy with that. Does that mean I'll be happy to never see another championship again? No, that's just asinine, but I'm a firm believer in "there's always next year". And maybe that makes me somewhat entitled, knowing my team will always be in the running, but I'd rather be positive about things in life, and enjoy them, then bitch about every little problem or mistake (like most Asian parents do). I didn't watch every game, but the Yankees Dynasty will always have a warm spot in my heart.

Since I'm doing memoir-ish entries, and since I don't want to be such a downer, I thought I'd just write about my life and different aspects of it. Just as an exercise. I haven't really written with any consistancy in the past year, despite my stated desire to be a writer. So I'm gonna get back into the swing of things. Also, with the season opener at Yankee Stadium today, I feel nostalgic. I'm going to my first game at the stadium tomorrow1

I'm very vocal about my comics passion, and perhaps I'll commit that to the annals of this journal next time, but I was a baseball fan before I collected comics. To be clear, I started getting into Superman and other heroes when I was 3 years old, but I knew about Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Darryl and Doc not too soon after, and I didn't buy comics regularly until I was 12.

The love affair with baseball really started when I was in Kindergarten. I was in a Catholic school, and I VAGUELY remember one day in class recieving baseball cards, and I vaguely knew about the Mets '86 championship (they won when I was 2), and that Darryl Strawberry was on the Simpsons. When I was in 3rd grade, I was in the children's choir (not by choice), and the choir was offered the chance to sing at Shea Stadium, my dad wouldn't sign the permission slip. It was too late at night, and I could get attacked (because being in a large group with adults wasn't safe enough). So I was THIS close to being a Mets fan.

When my parents separated, and nearly divorced, my mom took me and my brother and moved into Manhattan. The drama of the moving, the heartache and pain and trauma that was done to me, is all very sad and hurtful, but the point is that I moved. My parents then reconciled, and moved into the current apartment we live in. Seward Park is nearby, as is the library located there. I was a bookworm when I was a kid, but I also liked to play Whiffle ball and basketball. I read up on all of the baseball greats, and a lot of them were Yankees. I was, and still am, very competitive, and I wanted to be a good player. I didn't get to play whiffle ball much, but I jumped at every chance. If only I got to play baseball, or softball even, but that was a combination of not knowing where to go, and being a shut-in.

Around the same time I started getting into baseball, the strike happened. I remember that New York Newsday had a striking image on it's front cover. It was a black cover with a baseball on it that stated baseball was dead. I cut the image out for a school project, but that always shook me, because Superman had died only a few years ago (I didn't know he came back). I was worried that I'd never see baseball at all, so I read up on all the greats.

When baseball did come back, I started to follow it. I'd buy the occassional newspaper. I didn't watch my first game until the Yankees traded for David Cone, which was in July of 1995. What kept me on board was Cone and an old favorite: Darryl Strawberry. The last game of the year, Game 5, I remember watching until they pulled David Cone after 145 pitches. I couldn't bear to watch. They lost that game, and I wondered if it was my fault. So started my self precieved jinx.

To be continued.